SHINee ♥

ONEW ★ TAEMIN ★ JONGHYUN ★ MINHO ★ KEY

...versus what she actually is, is so different.

Whenever the whole gang hangs out, it's Xiao Tian.
Xiao Tian has make the plans.
Get everything ready.
Be the smart one.
Listen to everybody.
Be the strong one.
The one everyone says is leader >>
But Xiao Tian isn't...

I'm not strong anymore. Everything is just flipping out, and I can't control any of it. Maybe all that up there is what I think I'm supposed be. That's what I shold be because that's the stuff that my friends want me to be.

The other night it proved I wasn't as strong, or brave as I thought I was. I'm really not. The only thing I am is afriad. When I was driving in that weather it took ever inch of me not to cry. I was so afriad. And then I realized, after I move to Ohio, I won't have anyone to help me in situations like that. I won't have the support from my faimly. So I started to think maybe I shouldn't go to Ohio. But then I'm sitting here thinking of how much fun I want to have at YSU and then OSU with Sarah. But Sarah and I never talk anymore...

Everything is breaking apart. Not just my relationships with friends, my future. I'm trying to get on a path that works for me and frankly nothing is working. I want to dig myself in a whole and hide because I'm not that image I think I should be.

I'm tired of making the plans for everybody to hangout with. I'm tired of trying to find time for it all to work. I know I don't listen to everybody because I can't. I can't feel or hear what people say without trying to snap or yell at them. I'm not that smart. My grades are so suffering right now because I don't have the strength to do anything. My body isn't working right, and I don't know why. I don't know what to say to my friends, about the whole situation because I don't even know what's going on to start with. I'm just tired.

Is that enough?

When my body and my mind gets like this, I don't want other people to worry. I don't want them to see Xiao Tian at her worst. I don't want people to think about that. Xiao Tian is a strong, brave, friendly person. Everything I'm not right now.

Does that mean I'm not Xiao Tain anymore?

Sometimes I think so.

샤이니 ★ SHINee

xiao tian has a wish; don't you?
☀ 365 Reasons To Smile
☀ The chance to meet Chord
☀ See Super Junior Live again
☀ To have a FERRIS WHEEL TOUR with my dear X0
☀ Amazing Knowledge of Chinese, Taiwanese, Korean, and Japanese
☀ I've eaten 81 airplanes.
☀ I've wished on 56 ramen bowls.