*takes a long needed deep breath*

Dear Dave,

How have you been well? I hope your afterlife is treating you well. I haven't had time to think too much about you, but don't feel bad. I feel like I'm still missing another chunk in my life. I'll always remember good old Dave. You did everything for us. You really did. But on a negative side I've realized many things these last past days.

You were always siding with Eddy. You'd tell me all the fucking time "it's your fault James died". I believed you for the longest time. Of course I still blame myself for even telling James to go to New York, but at the same time I FINALLY get what actually happened. For many years you and your brother made meth in his basement. That is of course how got your nickname. With that you smoked an ungodly amount of marijuana getting James addicted to it in the long run. Thanks. After that you started asking James (who had turned into Jimmy) to do runs with you. I'd get dragged along. I'd sit in the car waiting for Jimmy to return just to kiss his lips. But when he returned he was always out of breath and smiling laughing at the huge amount of cash he'd have in his hands. He never kissed me during runs. Thanks.

After he started doing runs, you made him try meth. So not only did you get him addicted to marijuana and LSD, along comes meth. It wasn't that bad since he never used it but when Tim and Chelsea (for those of you reading this Tim and Chelsea are James's parents) fight it would be the quickest thing for him to grab. Of course he used it. Thanks again.

After a few months or so James stopped doing runs with you and did them on his own. He'd get beat up come home and abuse me just for pure pleasure. He was positive that I was okay as long as I was with him. And that was exactly how I felt. But sooner or later James would take me out to eat but on our way we'd get mugged. And after Ryan died Eddy raped me. Because James gave Ryan a stash of drugs. WHICH he was supposed to give to Eddy but didn't. So because of you, I got blamed of it. Thank You.

And then you died. My life crashed even more. Eddy raped me once again and you stood there protecting me. Meth had left and Dave had returned. It was as if Jimmy left and James came back, but I never saw that, I only saw you change. I loved you, and I knew whatever you said was the truth. So I'd always do what you asked. You were helping me so much after James left. But until he left, you ruined my life so much. Thank you.

And last but not least I'd love to get something off my chest. It wasn't me who killed James. You slowly did. And when James left for New York you supplied the PCP and perscription pills that killed him. You saw the pictures. You know what happened. You saw his dead bloody body laying on the blood soaked matress, along with pills and many things around him. You made him shred his body to pieces before your stash of drugs reached his body. He would've died from an overdoes if the PCP hadn't caused him to 'itch' himself to death. So I'd love to hold you in my arms and kiss you softly like you've always wanted me to do. Just smile and say 'fuck you'. You did distroy my life. I can't look at anyone without thinking that they might leave me. That I'm not going to be good enough for their friendship. But we all know how that goes.

Now everytime I feel sick or depressed I pop pills and throw them up. I lay there thinking of James's touch. I think of everyone else and how good the times used to be. Before James turned into to Jimmy. Before Dave turned in to Meth. So thank you. Thank you thank you thank you.

Your loving friend,

Kim Iseul

Ai Yi Tian

iseul;

aitian